Dickhead

Stop thinking with your penis

1. Introduction


As the title says… Dickhead… is about the way you act, think and do… Where your focus is… How you handle complaints…, your body, your feelings… It concerns your prostate, your intimacy and your sex life… You are more than your penis… and your sex life concerns more than having hard-ons and getting laid.

The prostate and all problems that could go with it brought you here… made you open this book… As we know, we mostly start paying attention when there are problems.
Where is the blood… and at what moment? That is the question. Do you think with your penis, or are you smart enough to realize that a body, soul, spirit and relationship are connected?

This little booklet has a wider perspective. Not the purely clinical and medical approach, but more human life experience approach. Anything related to the prostate influences your life in many ways. The content is backed up by a urologist, to be on the safe side.

It is, above all, a wake-up call… a small tour guide that will enhance your quality of life and choice-making… to enhance your sensory awareness. A much wider understanding of what life is in relationship to your prostate and sexuality.

This is not the old and familiar Allopathic doctor who works with medicine and operations, reducing you to an organ… We look much broader than that.

For the record… we are humans, and a lot of information is exploding in our faces… is coming towards us… The first time we start showing interest in any subject is mostly when it directly concerns us. The same is with the prostate… Before that… the information and awareness simply do not exist… Or it must be on a subliminal level; as you might know, connected to a conscious act – mostly in advertising – to influence you. It is called subliminal advertising.

So, good day to you. It is about time that we met up. This looks like a boys-only book. It seems I have been waiting for such a long time to talk with you, or you with me. Experience has taught us, in most cases, that eventually, we would get in contact. Mostly, your action and awareness start with complaints concerning erections or other discomfort in the pelvic floor area… like with your prostate. They call this Erectile Dysfunction.

There is a connection between your love-lifestyle and diseases around the belly area. That is what this book is about… preventing disease and discomfort… dealing with and curing it.
At the same time, it is about awareness, intimacy, sex, love and feeling.

Thanks for opening this book and reading what I have to say – hopefully, it will make you have a conversation with yourself. It will bring fun, laughter, sorrow, understanding, recognition, and new insights into living a happy life. Also, tips on how to prevent or manage pain you do not need. Painfully funny, let us put it this way.

It is a tour guide about love and self-love, sex and sharing love… about intimacy. It is about sensory awareness and how you experience and treat your body. Your relationship with yourself, with others and even a few steps further, the world.

It is about everything in your body and mind to create a new, loving relationship with yourself and others. We connect to: The hardware: prostate, pelvic floor, hormones, infections, penis, testicles, sperm, and cancer. The software: the mindset, visualization, perception, conditioning, expectations, intimacy, feelings, and self-knowledge.

We talk about how to do/have sex, how to love another person… and yourself. How to experience your own body. Do you feel it and really enjoy the full-body experience? Can you control every muscle, cell, thought and nerve? Express and share your emotions? Meanwhile, be open to intimate relationships? Spiritual intimacy, we might call it.

The subject of this book, which concerns the prostate*/pelvic floor and potential problems with it is limiting the number of readers to roughly half (men), although it might be nice for some women to look through men’s eyes.

Most of us have learned and experienced our sexuality, being a man, as in a ‘Do It Yourself’ series. Trial and error. Some very sensitive, and some are ready in minutes with any kind of kinesthetic contact. No good or bad, it was how it was. There is no tutorial. ‘The school of life’ might have caused a few bruises here and there. All can be repaired; the best start is awareness first.

But life has changed a lot. We now have knowledge and, therefore, choices on how to live our lives. How to breathe and connect, how to spend time and touching. You are in control of your body; there is no remote control. You need to create that remote control and will that will enhance the quality of your life, intimacy and decisions. Elicit the strategies, calibrate the elements, structure, and process the way you do what you do. Identify with sensory acuity the recipes that made you congruent and open.

We will have to share our most intimate stories, doubts, achievements and thoughts about what bonds us men together in the ‘art of really being a man.’ Most of all, undoubtedly a lot of fun stuff – if you have the ability to put it all into perceptive.

In our ‘discover… life… sex, being intimate and your body show,’ we stepped upon a few landmines in the past. We experienced insane things and obviously sweet experiences. This goes for all of us. The good thing about the past is that it is over; we are not looking for a course in Freudian trauma development. Be playful about what is gone and highlight the warm experiences… while reconditioning where needed. Your past is not a garbage bin filled with trauma but a pool of potential due to your experiences.

Focusing on the future requires a condition-creating environment, realizing how you perceive, and recipes in all shapes and forms. It concerns ‘Vuja Dé’, what you did not consciously notice yet and was in the picture and determined your perception… and actions.

Sharing attention does not mean doing whatever you need to do to create the changes that will bring you closer, let alone being there with discipline and full attention. It is conditioning on quite a different level.

Intensify the pleasure of discovering what you experience, share and let your lover experience it as well.


A few special words on 2 themes. In the back of the book you will find more thoughts.

We blame ourselves for a lot and sabotage ourselves over and over again. On the other hand, there is a system in you that will always forgive you, a nice paradox and ground for many disbalances. What is in the system stays in it until you let it out.

Rationalization is a technique that many people use to keep control of experiences.
They state: If you know why you want something, any ‘way’ to get it is easy. Significant emotional events are dominating… you have conditioned yourself …many people fell into the trap that is called rationalization … declaring that there is a reason why you do what you do.

Nonsense things do not have to be causal but will be if that is your focus. The world is non-causal… non-scheduled events determine… if you let them. Meaningful coincidence might have been leading… some people are very convinced that what they perceive is THE truth. There is no truth in that respect; it is mostly a constellation of words from others and peculiar valued experiences. We can only work on the consequences and loving solutions using totally new imagination.

Visualizing is a happy part… what reality does not start with a dream? Perhaps the most elementary of all skills is the ability to visualize, with all your senses. So not only with your eyes but like in real life… with smelling, tasting, touching, hearing.

What we visualize becomes or, moreover, IS our reality… it is installed in all our senses and nerves. To make new pictures, creating more nows is the way to any healing… presuming you take the time to install the perfect circle.

So, in short: take control to create freedom


How our sex life comes to its identity – A short example

I was leaving… took the woman home. It was a first date, half business, half pleasure. You know when you do not know what direction it takes.

We had a good dinner, talked, had a few laughs. It was OK. My mind was not fixed on anything, or more blessed with everything.

As I had taken her home, I politely drank a cup of tea before leaving. We went to the door, and I noticed a strange look on her face. I thought we kissed cheek to cheek, but she embraced me there. She looked into my eyes and started unzipping my pants, lowering her body down, and before I knew it, she said: ‘Want a blow job?’ Already sucking my friend down under.

I felt like I was in a whorehouse. In a flash, I asked myself if I was dreaming all this… the question here was the behavior of my friend. The willy. My mind was surprised, caught in the moment, one might say.
Sure as life can be, there was no real real affective relationship or longing to touch or be touched in this way.
The Willy did not care about it, obviously, as I noticed that he was standing up.
The woman used her mouth and lips in every way she could.
There I stood at the door opening, pants round my ankles. She was doing her thing. Willy puked, which seemed to be her highlight and confirmation.
It was the start of a strange, idiotic relationship that never had the element of love or passion in it.
Thank God it only lasted for three months.
One might get used to anything.
How does conditioning start… clearly there is a moment where you need to consider if you say yes or no.
Incongruence affects your stability. They call it the X factor; let your intention align with your attention.
Take with you here the way I was conditioned in the way things could or should go.


Our approach

This book offers an integrative approach to life. We consider your lifestyle; the body, mind, soul and spirit are one. Next to your social context (relationships), you want to be healthy. You need to work on your mindset and the way you treat yourself and your immune system. Conventional or alternative, integrative or holistic, even shamanistic – importantly, is it effective or ineffective? Does it work and give you what you want? It needs not to be stated, one might think, but in your relationship, it is vital to regain intimacy and sharable love that really excites you. Remember that every illness changes your hormones, your attention, and your lust for sex. Once ill, partly you will lock yourself up in you. Your partner must be understanding instead of the opposite of this – demanding.

We will help you to open doors, the doors of perception and experience. Use the signs that brought you to your dis-ease… utilize each and every emotion.

Not every prostate disease or complaint leads to cancer… as not all prostate cancer leads to death. Important is your lifestyle after (before you cannot change any more) you know or realize there are problems.

The fact is you need to re-evaluate what stimulates the blood flow and how to stay out of certain situations or just jump into them. Think about your peer group… reassess everything at regular intervals.

Every dis-ease has stages:
You are completely unaware of any discomfort.
You discover discomfort… physically or through a routine checkup with the doctor.
You start researching the essence of what is going on.
You determine the intensity of the problem.
You either do research on healing (treatment) possibilities or follow the doctor’s advice.
Most often, you follow the allopathic route (you are not you, but you are your prostate), mostly many unnecessary operations, and without shame others advice on how to deal with it
You are confronted with the consequences and effects (limitations) of the treatment.
You need to translate it into your everyday private life.
Your body and mind need to deal with it.
Here your relationship is very important.

Let us be clear… life is a gift in many ways; treat it well. Do not let fear or irrational emotions get the better of you. You are in charge, your passion can give you all the energy in the world, but be humble in dignity… enough has been said about the ‘I want’… ‘I will’ and ‘I can’ … ‘I do;’ stay specific!

Let us be honest. The love relationship dominates our life, where the pelvic floor and prostate are our reception centers.

Wild sex, tenderness, foreplay… Love… cheating… flirting… breathing… exercising… you and your penis are more than just a victim of limiting perception… with love, you express the full potential of perception and life. Love and intimacy are far more than sex only.



Softness; passion; attention; fun; pride; excitement.

Lists and lists of words… each and every one with its own reference… your own pictures and experiences.
The key: keep it light-hearted… not like hanging stones and chains around your neck as in a burden… chains of guilt do not belong to this life.

‘Girls just want to have fun’… Cindy says.

It is all simpler when you keep it simple. KISS, keep it simple stupid.

The second Chakra (is that what it is about?)

Your ability to receive, share and connect lovingly. Opening up your sexuality and sexual potential elicits admiration and passion in an intimate way… that in itself will prevent lots of problems.

Life is simple when gratitude is involved.

Sex and intimacy are intensely connected… together with creativity and passion.
Your relationship with yourself and others is dependent on congruency… attention and intention are completely in line (you are where you are).

Sex is really not merely a physical thing… there should be a connection… any kind of foreplay… only with prostitutes is there a one-way desire without any foreplay (although they know why they are doing what they are doing).

Every day is a grateful new one.




2. The result is Vuja Dé


A small reminder and mindset…

My dear friend… how often does it happen that you have the feeling you have been in a situation just like the one you are in now? That you see somebody and are convinced that you have seen this person before. Reliving, as you might say, the same situation… without really knowing the details. You had a Déjà Vu moment.

Our focus is not Déjà Vu but Vuja Dé. With Déjà Vu, you notice something and have the feeling or hunch that you have experienced it before. With Vuja Dé, it is about what you did not notice yet… if you freeze the frame, go back to the picture and ask yourself what you did not notice yet. Seeing with other eyes* (meaning refresh all your senses… and muscle memory). Mostly this is done with guided meditation in alpha state. In art, with music, in science, with detective work, this approach is pretty common. Now it is about your body, mind, and spirit. If you travel a lot, you will know what I mean.

Vuja Dé… the big issue. What did you not notice before that is fundamentally important in your life now? OK, OK, it might be based on a completely new insight… either scientifically or interhuman. To cut it short: being open and aware, ready for action. You are changing, and there will be a new you the instant you reassess the past moments. Remember that the map is not the territory, but it is not easy to find new land on a map you use.
History, including your personal history, changes with time. Context is context dependent, it is said. Emotions and so many other factors are involved. So many elements determine how you look at the past; if they change, your perception changes. It is fixed in beliefs, values, fantasies, habits, nerves and muscles.

We cannot put it more beautifully than in: Rainer Maria Rilke (I keep the original text in German).
Die Aufzeichnungen des Malte Laurids Brigge, see translations on page 113